absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
