Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
