I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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