I seem to have left my pride at pride
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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