my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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