the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
