I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
