Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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