I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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