I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
