how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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