Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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