I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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