I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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