I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
