OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
