Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
