Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
