she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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