Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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