Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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