it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
