I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
