if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
