Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
