i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
