My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
