If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
