so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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