I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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