I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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