dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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