Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
