Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
