God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
