I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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