1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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