I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
