you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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