It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize