a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
