Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
