having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
