he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
