Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My hand turned me down
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
