he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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