Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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