Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize