Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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