i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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