Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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