Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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