I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
