True but thats because hes a fetus.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
