Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
