"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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