i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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