pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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