I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
did i walk over a car last night?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together