I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?