so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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