he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
