Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him