I cockslap morals
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
