I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
