Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?