1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
