guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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