you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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