i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
