Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
