It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
