As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
