its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
