Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
