Your face is a jimmy john
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My liver just had a heart attack.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
