Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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