You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
