I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
