never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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