if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
