We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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