I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
