There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
